Lincoln County Bachelors
Part II
Lincoln Beacon, March 5, 1896
Bert Hall
After consulting the Bible at the residence of Dr. H.M. Hall, we find an omission in our mention of the eligibles of that most worthy family. The baby boy Bert is now a voter and as such is entitled to consideration in this bisextile year. Burt is composed chiefly of about 204 pounds of laugh with 10 pounds of smile thrown in. He is lavish but not partial with that smile, and greets the old and the young, the grave and gay alike. He is jolliest of mother's boys, and said mother is not anxious to place him on the market.
Fred Hansen
Is a college student from Yorktown, but Lincoln has strong claim upon him as he has lived much in our midst. He is a thoughtful, level-headed young man and is said to be inordinately fond of music teachers ' especially those who live in the country. He has a talent for teaching, clerking and farming and will make a charming husband. If we hadn't a score of years the start of him, and already devoted to the Herzberg corner, we should propose to this young man. Any young lady in quest of this prize will look for a head of blonde hair, worn very long ' in the latest fashion. We wish, however, to caution the young ladies in regard to keeping Fred up late at night, as the rules of the college are very strict.
Charles Kilmer
Is a little mite of a man with cute black eyes. Remember, girls, that previous goods are done up in small packages, and bear in mind that Mr. Kilmer lives in Lincoln and would undoubtedly be pleased to receive his share of attention and have a little home of his own.
Joe Pontius
Is a bashful young man who is slow to recognize his own merits; a most delightfully refreshing trait to contemplate in this world. He is employed in the lumber yard of J.D. Brockett, Esq., who keeps a loaded Winchester for any body who may come after his Joe this year.
John McReynolds
Schoolmaster, assistant bookkeeper, telegrapher, farmer. What more can you ask? It is suggested that John has not waited for the privileges of leap year and is already engaged. Remember the old axiom, that "all is fair in love and war," and whether you hear that John is engaged, or is not engaged, do not hesitate, dear sisters, for here is a fine catch.
Dr. L.P. Stewart
Is Lincoln's popular dentist and we hear that such a burden of toothache was never carried by Lincoln sisters as since Jan. 1, and what with "pullings" and "fillings" and "uppers" and "lowers" so suddenly run in upon this bachelor he is well nigh distracted and they do say that he "lays" it to the weather, when everybody knows it is leap year. This quiet brother hath his domicile in the house of Allen, or Hotel Windsor. He is a tall, graceful, elegantly dressed gentleman, of courtly manners and a charming conversationalist, and is just too sweet for anything. If you don't believe it just tie up your cheek with toothache and go right down and see for yourself. Whoever gets this prize must be just as good a cook as Mrs. Allen, as he is very comfortable where he is.
Al Shire
Erected to the memory of Albert Shire, who was born some time in the early part of the century, or thereabouts. He is junior partner of the thriving firm of Shire Bros., located on the bank corner. Mr. Shire is a portly, middle-aged gentleman and is very handsome. (See engraving drawn by the Beacon's special staff engraver, Mrs. Maud McNitt, and engraved by the Republican's special staff engraver, W.H. Pilcher. These two specialists are supposed to be unequalled by any other two between the Saline and the "Solomon Fork.") He has recently had a golden experience out at Cripple Creek but says it is nothing compared to the excitement of '49, when he set up grub stakes out on the coast, and laid the foundation for his large fortune. Ladies, it is with varied emotions that I announce this opportunity to the sisters of Lincoln county. Here we have 200 pounds of jolly suavity, backed up by probably half a million dollars, half interest in a crib of corn a third of a mile long. Postmaster Whalen, being a happy married man, will handle with patience and fraternal care, the great mass of correspondence for Mr. Shire between this time and Jan. 1, '97.
Moses Shire
Not at all overshadowed by the ponderosity of his portly brother is the dignified senior partner of this Lincoln firm. He is at present looking after his interests in Cripple Creek and will undoubtedly be the richest man in Lincoln, as he is already the handsomest (excepting Gustave Dore Strawn, who is too kiddified to go on this list). Moses is not meek as his name implies, but he will kindly notice the little cupids which fairly darken the air around the bank corner nowadays. Mr. Moses spent much of his time this summer with his feet hanging of the endgate of wagon-loads of corn, or frantically climbing thereon, or rushing across lots to head off some unsuspecting individual who decorously turned square corners and go left. We hope to see this gentleman comfortably settled in a home of his own, next door to his brother Albert's family residence.
Clifford Stubbs
Now we do palpitate and confess in bitterness that we have had a hope right here, but when normal time comes and the pretty schoolma'ams begin to come to town our heart goes down, down, down, and we sicken of hope deferred, but we do not give it up. (We means the writer, please.) This happy stalwart is his mother's own good boy, and the girl who can supplant mother in this case will be a very attractive individual. On this we base our hope. He is somewhat overshadowed by the aforementioned Gustave Dore, who strides about him in a peculiarly exasperating manner. When ladies come to us for pointers, we shall not send them to Clifford. See why?
Joseph Schellinger
Lincoln's own Joe is a patient, methodical brother, engaged in cashiering and bicycling, and boards with Mrs. Allen. Mr. Schellinger once deviated from the straight and narrow path and went to Beloit, famous for brave men, beautiful women and Manifold's band. Here he stayed a long time, until he "like to died" of racket and uproar, and one mild day he wheeled into Lincoln, where he belongs, and prefers the aristocratic quiet to giddy Beloit. Don't know whether he wants to get married or not, but you know the way to find out, dear sister.
Gustavus Adolphus Strawn
One of the twins, and one of the good boys. He passes the contribution box at the M.E. church and is a member of brother McDade's flock. Now ladies, when 'Dolph goes round with the box next Sunday morning you will hear me out in the statement that he has the prettiest blue eyes in Lincoln, and the prettiest curly hair ' except Walter Anderson. He is printer by trade and butcher by profession. He is a perfect gale of fun, and what else could you expect when pa sets the example. You may secure this twin at the market of Strawn and Mohr.
John Stover
Of Beverly, but just this year a resident of Lincoln as a college student and teacher of mathematics. Mr. Stover serves as a foil to set off the beauty of his chum, Mr. Hibbs. They are a pretty pair to draw from ' whatever that may mean. Mr. Stover has cerulean blue eyes, light brown hair, a heavy buff mustache and probably weighs 180 pounds, troy. College students will please bear in mind what metals are weighed by troy standard.
Albert Thompson
A tall kid of Norwegian birth. Is handsome as an Apollo and is a blooming blonde of courtly manners, and plays the toot-horns like an angel, and cashiers in the bank. Girls, don't fall over each other getting up the steps to have "that bill" changed or to transact other far-fetched business, or Albert will smell a mouse and retire to the safe and double-lock himself in during the remainder of the year.
Mr. Webber
College student and a quiet young gentleman, who looks good and kind, and is just the one to make a first-class husband. When you visit Lincoln college don't be dazzled to death by some of the brilliantly beautiful flash lights up there, but look around for the modest violets which grow in the shade and flourish in their own sweet, quiet way. See?
John Kelly
An Irish gentleman engaged in shoemaking, would like to be engaged to some fine Irish lassie ' none others need apply. He is a portly gentleman with nice black eyes and a sweet smile ' for the above named lassies. The ladies will please pass this way.
Mr. Roenigk
Tanner and harness maker, and farmer and bachelor by trade, is a jolly gentleman of means and should be looked after right away, as he has had his own sweet way just long enough. With good firm petticoat government would come under discipline and make a pattern husband.
Frank Adamson
Another nice young man, and a desirable party for the right girl, whom we could mention, but we won't, as we promised not to tell, and we don't want everybody in Lincoln to find out who wants Frank, and who's going to have him, too.
James Ryan
Is spoken for they say, but don't be frightened, sisters, as Jim's "No" would be pleasanter than some men's "Yes." He is a horse dealer and businessman, and is said to be wealthy. Is a nice blonde, and of a quiet, modest and retiring disposition. Would make a splendid husband, and no mistake.
Eugene Wood
Better known as "young Doc," is a pleasant-faced young gentleman who helps to run his father's farm adjoining Lincoln on the north. "Doc" dearly loves to "trip the light fantastic," and the young lady who comes this way will be looked upon with slight favor if she doesn't love to dance to the soul stirring strains of Mulloy & Hoover's orchestra.
BACHELORS, PART I
Includes these surnames: Anderson, Arthur, Aufdemberge, Barley, Berry, Berquist, Brann, Brockett, Brumbaugh, Burt, Crowe, Cheney, Davis, Dunham, Elord, Hall, Harris, Hedrick, Helton, Hibbs, Hutchison, Lerch, Linker, Menoher, Miller, Mitchell, Moss, Munch
BACHELORS, PART III
Includes these surnames: Allison, Anderson, Arthur, Brunt, Crawford, Frink, Hull, Joslin, McElheney, McMichael, Smith, Thomas, Trump, Watts, Wilcox, Wilson, Wingett, Yenser